Written Dec. 2015
This journey will not get any easier, so forgive yourself now even if you feel undeserving. Convinced the burdens of yesterday and the enemy himself have made you a servant to darkness. But it all dwells within. All this time you’ve been your own enemy, delaying everything in life by simply missing God’s calling.
A spoken word artist once said, “Hurt has a face and a name. Even wears a mask of anger and simultaneously one of shame.” Isn't it funny how we believe God forgives us instantaneously, yet forgiving others carries a decision that needs to be pondered on.
The weather here in D.C. is chilling as I come in at the cold of winter. Wisps of frost air keep me tossing and turning most nights. Countless thoughts have pushed me to detach from social media. I have this urgency to drawback and rightfully heal this time. Considering all that’s happened, a part of me is holding on, trusting this feeling is temporary. Maybe this journey has a bigger blueprint outside of me. One that allows us woman to connect on the many scars we share... left by the men who have come in and out of our lives.
There’s a saying that if wisdom doesn’t teach you, rock bottom will.
And the crash was quite painful.
This world encourages the hiding and faking, but turns a cold shoulder at our crumbling. Perhaps we learn these things from social media, or the Christian Communities we so easily join. From a young age I was conditioned to believe that approval was vital and in return I compromised myself, only to be left vulnerable. Isn’t it funny how the very own people around you can end up reinforcing the sickness?
So I’m doing this for the one who has felt utterly lost or unworthy in the midst of their trials. Yes you’ve missed the first, second, and even third time... but remember you serve a God of another chance.